whisper // woken

i have arisen, i have awoken, i have learned throughout out the night, how to be with myself thru the tosses and turns of my love for you, how this love is fluid and never stays in one place, and i navigate waters of security and also fear, how i am borne forward by my fear to take up space and really share/give my voice, how this desire haunts my deepest caverns and is the remaining fire in the cave of my soul. this becomes my new compass, something that smells like fear but is really desire, and i stalk this in the woods at dawn as i track the bobcat from its shelter to its resting place, i will know the sounds of the coyotes and the way the deer gracefully circle up to eat and rest together. i will know this in my blood, because these are the beginnings who are next to me, these are the ones who whisper my way forward and into, everything. 

i dreamt of coals, i dreamt of fire. i dreamt of you, hollow. i dreamt of everything pure and shadowed and safe. i dreamt of subverting my body mind upside down to see things clearer. i dreamt of oceans, i dreamt of promises, tomorrow, wondering: if you would respond with your soul or if his mother would mention him in response. 

waking with the pines, i remember to shake my body a little bit and be a little bit more kind to everything around me, 

including these bones, this breath, and this belly.