HOLDINGS THAT BECOME LONGINGS THROW IT IN THE FIRE

It is nothing. I grasp the wooden wand I found near the sea. On the shore, given up by the waves. The cold day when we only spent a magic moment even though I ached, longed for… for longer. Longer space to get lost in. Give me something horizontal, I get LOST in this body. I trace my mind in between the nooks and crannies of my spine and… something happens. in the abyss of blackness where she hides, lurks… like a bed creature on the second floor of a sickly, narrow house. She hisses. Doooooo not bother meeeee. Do not try to change meeeee. I am forever yours. And I bite. Hard. when Provoked. 

A face appears to me in the silence, a stony stare. WHAT? I scream. WHAT OF IT? WHAT OF MY MISTAKES? WILL THEY FOREVER LOCK ME INTO A SPIRAL I CANNOT ESCAPE? Throwing a responsibility at the wall, I dont want this! I never asked for this, did I? 

You did. 

Fuck. 

Fuck how I hate making tough decisions. I always know. I always know the answers that are tattooed between the lines of my palms. I can always READ cant I. The action. Its just the action is required, and I just dont know what to say. I do not know what to say anymore and I am scared. Scared of what he will say. And all that will happen on this mental plane.

Bring me back to the sense of the body. Where I can smell you. This is where I thrive. No words just moans and a soft touch. Let me linger in your eyes. I want to breathe into this belly. Bodies ache with secret holdings. Holdings that become longings when the tender fingers touch. If only, if only… 

The fire, throw it all in the fire. Are you ready?

If only there was trust in this place. If only I didn't have to give it all up to remain alive. What if what if what if I could ? 

No. There is no way around this. There is no way to dodge the force of destiny wheeling towards you with the speed of a bullet train. Your spine will not straighten without you. Not in this cold weather.