femini moon whispers

And here I am.
With my back to a warm wall,
feeling the empty hunger of a still night,
bright with moon glow full
cascading down over the mullein stalks and ponderosa pines...

It has been hard to nourish myself properly the past two days. My stomach rejecting things and preferring emptiness. Is this self-harm, I asked myself? I got a muddled answer and a mixture of things. Put them all in the bag of everything, I whisper. I worship multi-textured truths.

Mmmm.

Retrieving a cup of rice milk & maple syrup, from the kitchen to cool my insides. To prepare them for sleep. Full moon gulps , of something new.

Why do I write?

This is a good question to ask. A good question to ponder. To not dwell with, but perhaps, bathe with, ask &hear an echo: in every cell.

I am celebrating achievements quietly. Modestly. Success comes and whispers itself.

Small stones, upon which I step on to cross a raging river inside myself.

I keep the important things close , and don't scatter them like seeds to be planted anywhere (things I have learned).

Things I have learned from being alone for long periods of time: 

I can hold the child in me, and re-pair the moments I was emotionally dropped by the fragmentation of the world around me

Music is integral to my soul expressing itself 

Prayer is with every step 

Safety is borne inside

____________________________________________________

Afternoon Day 2 

of place, of pause 

words triumph over sensations 

usually, 

in side 

the sides of me, 

the many shades, 

the many sides 

tracking (still) this difference, between a yield // and a collapse 

still seeing how this has to do with power structures , and whether we choose power over or power with 

do we yield into each other, or do we collapse 

i am obsessed , 

with this, 

and feeling it 

with another 

to yield, together 

to also be able to sense the collapse, and what it tastes like , moves like 

________________________________________________________

Tonight, I am remembering children around the world who go hungry and without nourishment of physical, emotional, and spiritual kinds. Tonight, I am remembering the mysteries of the moon and how these memories of how to talk with celestial beings is inside my DNA. Tonight, I am recalling the circles of people around me, seen and unseen, who hold me, in some similar and different ways, to being held, that I remember, from the moments before, being born: into this world. Tonight, I am sending out a prayer of arms, resilient arms that hold each other through tumultuous political and ecological upheavals , swerving chaotic greed , and the tremors : of these times. Arms, and soft words in ears: I see you, I love you. I am here.  

(picture of J + I , in the winter sun, held by edie)